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In continuing going through The Sacred Romance workbook, one of the exercises was to recall one of my best childhood memories, when times were simpler and the outlook on life so much purer, remembering the sounds, smells and how it made me feel. So here's what I cam up with.
It was a traditional Colorado Christmas, complete with fresh powder on the ground and bright blue skies. Only instead of staying in the city that year, the entire family was going up to a cabin in Estes Park to celebrate.
It seemed like it took forever to get there: past the familiar doghnut shop where my Grandpa always liked to stop, past the huge slides that kids slid down on old pieces of carpet during the summer months, past gurgling brooks and finally to the breathtaking majesty of the Rocky Mountains.
As we pulled up to the cabin, it looked as though the scene was taken out of a storybook...the white snow covered trees with shoots of green poking out here and there, the lumbering wrap around front porch with hand carved benches. The sound of my fuzzy calf-high snow boots crunched to the front door through the drifts that had already formed throughout the week, my cheeks and eyes bright from the bitter winter cold.
The cabin was well used and stepping over the threshold, I saw ghosts of visitors past, decorating Christmas trees, cooking in the small, well-lit kitchen, sitting in front of the fireplace. The worn carpet, old upholstered furniture and faded wood held their memories.
The excitement was too much for my little tender heart to bear: I loved these mountains...her steep, jagged peaks, sun-warmed pines and raw beauty made me feel like I was gazing into the face of God. What made it even better was sharing it with those I loved, and my close-knit family always promised a memorable time.
My sister, cousin and I raced downstairs to place our claims on a bunk bed and to settle in. The stark snow-lit light pouring in through the blinds created a magical setting and we all thought about the presents we would get to open in the morning.
But more than that, I couldn't wait to get outside and soak in the environment. I stood breathless on the deck taking in the view before me, my breath escaping in small white puffs in the cold mountain air. Snow capped peaks, a myriad of blues, grays and greens all rising dramatically out of the valley below seemed to me like the gateway to heaven.
The snow-covered silence was a facade...for underneath the surface, the rocks and far-reaching trees, rivers and peaks shouted their songs at me as I inhaled their message deeply, closing my eyes. It was a message of enduring hope, love, romance and passion and it stirred a longing in my heart. I was in the presence of my Creator. His beauty caressed each of my senses and awakened my soul, filling me with life, peace and joy. The steady thump, thump, thump my heart made inside me kept time to the song and music all around me: the pristine non-smell of snow, the fragrance of the laden pine branches catching the breeze, the far-off sound of my family's voices preparing for dinner, the sun setting over the horizon, triggering millions of crystalline lights to come to life on the white ground. Nothing could touch me here, the world was right and I drank in the wooing of my Savior.
I sighed and took one more deep breath, peeling myself away from my eternal love letter...and went back inside.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
The Wellspring of Life
"In prayer, it is better to have a heart without words, than words without a heart."
I have been reading Sacred Romance by John Eldridge as my devotional and have been inspired to journal about what I’m learning. This quote I found today lends itself perfectly to the lesson.
The more I read, the more I realize just how true it is that most Christians have lost heart when it comes to our spiritual lives. We go through the motions of church, praying, service, tithing, but are our hearts close to the Lord? Are we living a love relationship with him? Are we living it with passion and intimacy with all the fullness that He purposed for us?
I have had to do a major spiritual inventory as to what level my heart is engaged in my relationship with the Lord. I am reminded of the verse “these people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.” Mark 7:5-7 God forbid (literally) that I be that person although more and more I find myself scheduling in time with the Lord on my calendar like just another “to do” to check off. It is a chore and not a pleasure, an obligation and not a joy. How sad it is because out of the heart stems a “well-spring” of life, which the Bible tells us in Proverbs 4:23. When we disconnect our hearts and replace them with head knowledge, we become thirsty, desolate and unfruitful, like a spring that’s run dry.
I think this quote applies to more than just our prayer lives. Our hearts can express themselves through our actions that should be indicative of our inner prayer lives…through loving others, showing peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self control. Instead of just talking about these things, we should emulate them in our examples. What a huge challenge for the week!
I have been reading Sacred Romance by John Eldridge as my devotional and have been inspired to journal about what I’m learning. This quote I found today lends itself perfectly to the lesson.
The more I read, the more I realize just how true it is that most Christians have lost heart when it comes to our spiritual lives. We go through the motions of church, praying, service, tithing, but are our hearts close to the Lord? Are we living a love relationship with him? Are we living it with passion and intimacy with all the fullness that He purposed for us?
I have had to do a major spiritual inventory as to what level my heart is engaged in my relationship with the Lord. I am reminded of the verse “these people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.” Mark 7:5-7 God forbid (literally) that I be that person although more and more I find myself scheduling in time with the Lord on my calendar like just another “to do” to check off. It is a chore and not a pleasure, an obligation and not a joy. How sad it is because out of the heart stems a “well-spring” of life, which the Bible tells us in Proverbs 4:23. When we disconnect our hearts and replace them with head knowledge, we become thirsty, desolate and unfruitful, like a spring that’s run dry.
I think this quote applies to more than just our prayer lives. Our hearts can express themselves through our actions that should be indicative of our inner prayer lives…through loving others, showing peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self control. Instead of just talking about these things, we should emulate them in our examples. What a huge challenge for the week!
Friday, June 26, 2009
First Kiss
So, I have always had an interest in writing and thought I would try my hand at it, pulling from a long-ago childhood experience. Let me know what you think or if it's too boring, too cliche or if I should just stop now. :)
The light from a Rocky Mountain sky filtered into my bedroom that summer morning, coaxing me to open my eyes. It was only 6 am but my lithe 12 year old body hopped right out of bed, welcoming the day.
I stretched in front of my window, looking out onto an expanse of pavement in our little piece of suburbia. I could hear the faint sounds of the morning sprinklers as the neighbors prepared for the scorching Colorado heat.
I couldn’t wait to get outside; summer was my favorite time of year-barbeques, hanging out with my friends, eating juicy watermelon, days at the pool. My tanned skin and sun-lightened hair made me look like I belonged in the outdoors, which is where I always preferred to be-a self proclaimed tomboy. I hurriedly threw on some shorts, a tank top and my favorite Keds, pulling my long hair back into a messy ponytail. I raced down the stairs of our still-sleeping house to my bike in the garage. The cool air greeted me as the garage door opened and I sped down the driveway. I was halfway down the street when I saw him: Josh.
Those startling blue eyes, freckles and black tousled hair made my heart thud in my chest. He was waiting for me, a huge smile spread over his perfect face. I wondered what could make him look that happy and then remembered that this was the boy that had gotten down on one knee at the end of our street-in view of all the neighbors-and “proposed” to me (really it was just to ask me to be his girlfriend). The thought made me return his grin with one of my own as I rode up beside him. “Hi, Josh,” I blushed just saying his name. “Hi,” was all he said as he gazed into my eyes. There was something about the way he looked at me that made me feel special and of course, made my heart flutter. I was on the cusp of leaving the pre-teen world and entering into the unknown-being a teenager-and the thoughts and feelings that coursed through me both surprised and excited me.
The minutes passed as we rode along our quiet street, and in between as much conversation as two 12 year olds could muster I could hear the “slap-slap-slap” of the baseball card hitting the spoke of his BMX bike tire. Everything seemed to be magnified in his presence-the birds sang louder, the sun seemed to fill the moment with glaring brightness and heat and the sound of my blood and the wind as we rode came in whooshes in my ears.
He finally turned and asked me, “Did you want to come to my house for a little bit? We can just hang out on the front porch and play some cards if you want.” His cornflower eyes were pleadingly hopeful and I tried to will my face not to turn red at his question. “Uh…sure, that sounds great,” I said and the grin on his face got even wider. “Race you to the stop sign,” he challenged. I forgot about everything else except pushing my pedals as fast as they could go-I was always up for anything having to do with winning, which I did more often than not. As much as I liked him, I wasn’t going to let him beat me. It was a close one as we screamed through the finish line, both out of breath and both hysterically laughing. “I WON!” I screamed, and I’m sure my eyes were bright with the victory. “I let you win,” Josh said, trying to cover up his disappointment. It didn’t last long… as we climbed off our bikes I grabbed his hand, and we walked to his corner house.
The street was waking up as we settled in on the porch as the temperature climbed-both in the air around us and between us. We started our card game and I was just as ruthless at winning at that. Maybe I was just too sore of a loser and had to win to prevent him from seeing that childish side of me. As I won the second game in a row, I peered up at him from beneath my lashes, smugly seeing his frustration with losing…to a GIRL.
“Can I ask you something?” he said abruptly. “Of course,” I responded. “I’ve been meaning to ask you for awhile and well…I was wondering…if…I could…k..kiss you”? I froze into place at his question and in my complete innocence had no idea what to say or do. Inside I was freaking out-I’d never kissed a boy in my entire life and I almost wasn’t sure how I felt about it. But I definitely was curious and my heart was doing a strange dance in my chest as the question hung in the air, unanswered. “S-sure, you can kiss me.” There was suddenly a shyness about him as he leaned over the cards towards my face…the fact that I was still frozen in place wasn’t making anything easier for him. He scooted closer to me, scattering and bending some of the cards as he did so…but I didn’t care. This was my first kiss-I had better pay attention!
Slowly, ever so slowly, his lips touched mine. It was awkward, wet and we stayed locked into place not really moving for what we both thought was a reasonable amount of time…all the while my mind was whirling and everything around us disappeared. It was just he and I in this new little world, even the cold cement front porch step disappeared from under me; there was only him and this moment. When we parted, I didn’t quite have the courage to look into his eyes-my face was burning, but after feeling his hand on mine I hesitantly looked into his patient, innocent eyes…and into the fever of first love burning there, reflected in my own.
The light from a Rocky Mountain sky filtered into my bedroom that summer morning, coaxing me to open my eyes. It was only 6 am but my lithe 12 year old body hopped right out of bed, welcoming the day.
I stretched in front of my window, looking out onto an expanse of pavement in our little piece of suburbia. I could hear the faint sounds of the morning sprinklers as the neighbors prepared for the scorching Colorado heat.
I couldn’t wait to get outside; summer was my favorite time of year-barbeques, hanging out with my friends, eating juicy watermelon, days at the pool. My tanned skin and sun-lightened hair made me look like I belonged in the outdoors, which is where I always preferred to be-a self proclaimed tomboy. I hurriedly threw on some shorts, a tank top and my favorite Keds, pulling my long hair back into a messy ponytail. I raced down the stairs of our still-sleeping house to my bike in the garage. The cool air greeted me as the garage door opened and I sped down the driveway. I was halfway down the street when I saw him: Josh.
Those startling blue eyes, freckles and black tousled hair made my heart thud in my chest. He was waiting for me, a huge smile spread over his perfect face. I wondered what could make him look that happy and then remembered that this was the boy that had gotten down on one knee at the end of our street-in view of all the neighbors-and “proposed” to me (really it was just to ask me to be his girlfriend). The thought made me return his grin with one of my own as I rode up beside him. “Hi, Josh,” I blushed just saying his name. “Hi,” was all he said as he gazed into my eyes. There was something about the way he looked at me that made me feel special and of course, made my heart flutter. I was on the cusp of leaving the pre-teen world and entering into the unknown-being a teenager-and the thoughts and feelings that coursed through me both surprised and excited me.
The minutes passed as we rode along our quiet street, and in between as much conversation as two 12 year olds could muster I could hear the “slap-slap-slap” of the baseball card hitting the spoke of his BMX bike tire. Everything seemed to be magnified in his presence-the birds sang louder, the sun seemed to fill the moment with glaring brightness and heat and the sound of my blood and the wind as we rode came in whooshes in my ears.
He finally turned and asked me, “Did you want to come to my house for a little bit? We can just hang out on the front porch and play some cards if you want.” His cornflower eyes were pleadingly hopeful and I tried to will my face not to turn red at his question. “Uh…sure, that sounds great,” I said and the grin on his face got even wider. “Race you to the stop sign,” he challenged. I forgot about everything else except pushing my pedals as fast as they could go-I was always up for anything having to do with winning, which I did more often than not. As much as I liked him, I wasn’t going to let him beat me. It was a close one as we screamed through the finish line, both out of breath and both hysterically laughing. “I WON!” I screamed, and I’m sure my eyes were bright with the victory. “I let you win,” Josh said, trying to cover up his disappointment. It didn’t last long… as we climbed off our bikes I grabbed his hand, and we walked to his corner house.
The street was waking up as we settled in on the porch as the temperature climbed-both in the air around us and between us. We started our card game and I was just as ruthless at winning at that. Maybe I was just too sore of a loser and had to win to prevent him from seeing that childish side of me. As I won the second game in a row, I peered up at him from beneath my lashes, smugly seeing his frustration with losing…to a GIRL.
“Can I ask you something?” he said abruptly. “Of course,” I responded. “I’ve been meaning to ask you for awhile and well…I was wondering…if…I could…k..kiss you”? I froze into place at his question and in my complete innocence had no idea what to say or do. Inside I was freaking out-I’d never kissed a boy in my entire life and I almost wasn’t sure how I felt about it. But I definitely was curious and my heart was doing a strange dance in my chest as the question hung in the air, unanswered. “S-sure, you can kiss me.” There was suddenly a shyness about him as he leaned over the cards towards my face…the fact that I was still frozen in place wasn’t making anything easier for him. He scooted closer to me, scattering and bending some of the cards as he did so…but I didn’t care. This was my first kiss-I had better pay attention!
Slowly, ever so slowly, his lips touched mine. It was awkward, wet and we stayed locked into place not really moving for what we both thought was a reasonable amount of time…all the while my mind was whirling and everything around us disappeared. It was just he and I in this new little world, even the cold cement front porch step disappeared from under me; there was only him and this moment. When we parted, I didn’t quite have the courage to look into his eyes-my face was burning, but after feeling his hand on mine I hesitantly looked into his patient, innocent eyes…and into the fever of first love burning there, reflected in my own.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Isaiah 43 and God's promises
"But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you, Shanna, he who formed you, Shanna: 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.' When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:1-3, 18
Last night I met with a prayer group consisting of some older women and one of my dearest friends. I had asked her if she wouldn't mind having the group pray over me for the blessing of a baby. But it turned out to be so much more than that...little did I know that the ENTIRE focus was on me. This is something I both welcome and shy away from; on one hand I love being the center of attention because it fills something inside of me, but on the other hand I don't want people looking at me too closely. Perhaps that's why the leader of the group-who is also a Biblical counselor-said that she felt I have a hard shell around me. Amazing isn't it, that the image of ourselves we project is so different than the person we really want to be!
These verses were read to me after some discussion of many deeper rooted issues than just the desire to have a child. The Holy Spirit was really working on me and tt was like something snapped inside of me (or cracked) with these verses spoken aloud. All of the sudden the floodgates just opened, both in my heart and in my tears. It was like God's words loosened chains that have been restricting me for quite some time. It wasn't only these verses but also what came after them-pointed, direct observations on the condition of my heart and how I STRIVE for grace, rather than rest in it.
One "word picture" that one of the ladies gave me was of me running on a treadmill. I've been running for so long that I am weary. I long to get off the treadmill but find myself increasing the speed. Jesus is in the room with me, just watching me and waiting for me to get off. I look over to him every now and then in an attempt to spend time with him and listen to him, but mostly I am just focused on striving on my treadmill. Striving for perfection, striving for accomplishment, striving for grace, striving to make myself "good enough" and worthy enough to be deserving of not only his grace, but his presence as well. All Jesus wants of me is to come to him, "weary and burdened" because he longs to give me rest. He wants to replace my burden of perfectionism, lies, control, anger, fear with HIS burden, which is grace, obdience, discipline, blessing and love. But I have to get off the treadmill first.
My challenge in these coming weeks is not only to "change the tapes" in my mind and replace them with God's promises and truths but to SLOW DOWN and REST. I've said this before and heard this said to me countless times but either my lackluster will or my chains have prevented me from truly completing this exercise. More importantly, I don't WANT to be a mother until I learn how to rest in the Lord, until I learn how to crack my shell, how to resolve my fears...of course, as it was so well put last night, I will never "arrive." But I CAN get to the point of spiritual health in order to be an example to my future children. I don't want them to inherit my weaknesses and my inability to be vulnerable with the Lord and truly submit my will to His.
These verses are the first promise that I'm claiming. I am kicking fear out of my life for good, because the God of the universe has redeemed ME and called ME by name. I belong to him therefore I will not fear. I will work on forgetting the former things and cling to the promise that his mercies are NEW every morning and he is doing a NEW work in my heart.
you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:1-3, 18
Last night I met with a prayer group consisting of some older women and one of my dearest friends. I had asked her if she wouldn't mind having the group pray over me for the blessing of a baby. But it turned out to be so much more than that...little did I know that the ENTIRE focus was on me. This is something I both welcome and shy away from; on one hand I love being the center of attention because it fills something inside of me, but on the other hand I don't want people looking at me too closely. Perhaps that's why the leader of the group-who is also a Biblical counselor-said that she felt I have a hard shell around me. Amazing isn't it, that the image of ourselves we project is so different than the person we really want to be!
These verses were read to me after some discussion of many deeper rooted issues than just the desire to have a child. The Holy Spirit was really working on me and tt was like something snapped inside of me (or cracked) with these verses spoken aloud. All of the sudden the floodgates just opened, both in my heart and in my tears. It was like God's words loosened chains that have been restricting me for quite some time. It wasn't only these verses but also what came after them-pointed, direct observations on the condition of my heart and how I STRIVE for grace, rather than rest in it.
One "word picture" that one of the ladies gave me was of me running on a treadmill. I've been running for so long that I am weary. I long to get off the treadmill but find myself increasing the speed. Jesus is in the room with me, just watching me and waiting for me to get off. I look over to him every now and then in an attempt to spend time with him and listen to him, but mostly I am just focused on striving on my treadmill. Striving for perfection, striving for accomplishment, striving for grace, striving to make myself "good enough" and worthy enough to be deserving of not only his grace, but his presence as well. All Jesus wants of me is to come to him, "weary and burdened" because he longs to give me rest. He wants to replace my burden of perfectionism, lies, control, anger, fear with HIS burden, which is grace, obdience, discipline, blessing and love. But I have to get off the treadmill first.
My challenge in these coming weeks is not only to "change the tapes" in my mind and replace them with God's promises and truths but to SLOW DOWN and REST. I've said this before and heard this said to me countless times but either my lackluster will or my chains have prevented me from truly completing this exercise. More importantly, I don't WANT to be a mother until I learn how to rest in the Lord, until I learn how to crack my shell, how to resolve my fears...of course, as it was so well put last night, I will never "arrive." But I CAN get to the point of spiritual health in order to be an example to my future children. I don't want them to inherit my weaknesses and my inability to be vulnerable with the Lord and truly submit my will to His.
These verses are the first promise that I'm claiming. I am kicking fear out of my life for good, because the God of the universe has redeemed ME and called ME by name. I belong to him therefore I will not fear. I will work on forgetting the former things and cling to the promise that his mercies are NEW every morning and he is doing a NEW work in my heart.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Friday Ramblings
Ok Lord. I know I had to get to this point eventually. The point where my angst, anxiety, and worries are all wound up inside me so tight that the edges of my soul are straining to keep me in one piece.
I confess Lord that I have been ANGRY. ANGRY AND HURT. I just don’t know why. I don’t want to be a puny little human with my tiny fist shaking in the air, like you are to obey MY wishes. I long to be a child of God that submits to your will and your plans for my life. I guess with the anger there is FEAR. Fear that you won’t give me the deepest desires of my heart because I have been too bad, too sinful, have made too many mistakes. Maybe I wouldn’t be a good mother? Maybe I am too selfish? Maybe I am too moody? Maybe I need to learn how to be content with my circumstances before you can give me something more? I’m sorry for even asking you for it because I feel like there is still so much left that I have to learn before I can begin to think about being a mom. But I know that your timing is perfect-it is the single thread that I’m holding on to and it’s keeping me from tumbling down the dark cliff of doubt and worry in my mind. I am so thankful that I’m anchored to you and that I have a Heavenly Father who is so in-tune with my needs.
Please help me to come back to you. Help me to run to you, help me to return to your ways, obey you, fill me with joy and happiness, with love, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self-control. Plant me by your river and water me, shine the truth of your Son onto my branches so I can grow tall and full, bearing beautiful fruit. Connect me back to the vine where truth, peace, life and contentment lie. Help me not to be distracted by the “things” of this world and take away the restlessness inside of me, the frustration, the helplessness of my own weak human flesh. I am selfish, prideful, merciless, critical, mean and disrespectful. But YOU are self-LESS, humble, self controlled, full of compassion and mercy, gracious and forgiving, never cruel, always kind and patiently accepting me as I am-because I have JESUS. Please make me more like you. I pray that He’s who you see when you look at me, that others would see him when they look at me. I want to make a difference in your kingdom Lord instead of just focusing on myself. I’m tired of the tears, the fears, the struggles against believing and trusting in you. I want to be full o f life and full of YOU, trusting that whatever happens in my life is a gift from you and part of the perfect plan you had laid out for me since the beginning of time. Help me to accept your grace, your Son’s blood, your amazing sacrifice, your LIFE GIVING Holy Spirit, so that I can share it with others.
I don’t want to sulk around any more. I don’t want to be angry for no reason. I don’t want to feel blind rage at people all the time. I don’t want to swear anymore. I want my road rage to be taken away and replaced with endless patience, love and grace. I want to be happy. I want to love my husband like I always said I would when you and I spoke about that before you gave me Tim. I said that if only I could have someone, I could share this bottomless pit of love with them. I have so much love to give Lord, but it’s all from you. A
nd I feel very weary and dusty, like I’ve been traveling in the desert for way too long. I’m dehydrated of your Living Water and I need to be hooked up to your IV and brought back to life. Please lead me to your water source so that I may be replenished and the water that I am so desperately seeking would flood the cracked, sun-scorched barren parts of my heart and soul. Make me willing to hear and obey, Lord in everything-even if I don’t understand. I love you.
I confess Lord that I have been ANGRY. ANGRY AND HURT. I just don’t know why. I don’t want to be a puny little human with my tiny fist shaking in the air, like you are to obey MY wishes. I long to be a child of God that submits to your will and your plans for my life. I guess with the anger there is FEAR. Fear that you won’t give me the deepest desires of my heart because I have been too bad, too sinful, have made too many mistakes. Maybe I wouldn’t be a good mother? Maybe I am too selfish? Maybe I am too moody? Maybe I need to learn how to be content with my circumstances before you can give me something more? I’m sorry for even asking you for it because I feel like there is still so much left that I have to learn before I can begin to think about being a mom. But I know that your timing is perfect-it is the single thread that I’m holding on to and it’s keeping me from tumbling down the dark cliff of doubt and worry in my mind. I am so thankful that I’m anchored to you and that I have a Heavenly Father who is so in-tune with my needs.
Please help me to come back to you. Help me to run to you, help me to return to your ways, obey you, fill me with joy and happiness, with love, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self-control. Plant me by your river and water me, shine the truth of your Son onto my branches so I can grow tall and full, bearing beautiful fruit. Connect me back to the vine where truth, peace, life and contentment lie. Help me not to be distracted by the “things” of this world and take away the restlessness inside of me, the frustration, the helplessness of my own weak human flesh. I am selfish, prideful, merciless, critical, mean and disrespectful. But YOU are self-LESS, humble, self controlled, full of compassion and mercy, gracious and forgiving, never cruel, always kind and patiently accepting me as I am-because I have JESUS. Please make me more like you. I pray that He’s who you see when you look at me, that others would see him when they look at me. I want to make a difference in your kingdom Lord instead of just focusing on myself. I’m tired of the tears, the fears, the struggles against believing and trusting in you. I want to be full o f life and full of YOU, trusting that whatever happens in my life is a gift from you and part of the perfect plan you had laid out for me since the beginning of time. Help me to accept your grace, your Son’s blood, your amazing sacrifice, your LIFE GIVING Holy Spirit, so that I can share it with others.
I don’t want to sulk around any more. I don’t want to be angry for no reason. I don’t want to feel blind rage at people all the time. I don’t want to swear anymore. I want my road rage to be taken away and replaced with endless patience, love and grace. I want to be happy. I want to love my husband like I always said I would when you and I spoke about that before you gave me Tim. I said that if only I could have someone, I could share this bottomless pit of love with them. I have so much love to give Lord, but it’s all from you. A
nd I feel very weary and dusty, like I’ve been traveling in the desert for way too long. I’m dehydrated of your Living Water and I need to be hooked up to your IV and brought back to life. Please lead me to your water source so that I may be replenished and the water that I am so desperately seeking would flood the cracked, sun-scorched barren parts of my heart and soul. Make me willing to hear and obey, Lord in everything-even if I don’t understand. I love you.
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