Faith is a Choice

The outpouring of support that we've been receiving after sharing Samuel's story has been overwhelming. We are truly blessed to have such awesome family and friends in our lives to walk through this challenge with us. Thank you for your continued prayers for our little guy.

For those of you who didn't see the update on Facebook, our 2nd ultrasound on the 10th at Emmanuel went well. I feel like God was giving us some hope because Sam passed his biophysical test with an 8 out of 8!!

A few things they look for is that the baby is breathing (check), moving (check-he was also doing some yoga poses with his feet over his head), eating (check-it might have been a yawn but the tech thought at one point he was taking a big swallow of amniotic fluid), peeing (check-I actually saw it happen during the ultrasound) and measuring on track (check check-he is a BIG boy!), among other things. The amazing thing is that he did all of those things during this single ultrasound so that the tech and docs could have a chance to measure everything she needed to.

Also, in babies with ACC, the ventricles in the right and left spheres of the brain have a tendency to fill with fluid and sometimes emergency surgery is performed immediately after birth to put stints in to drain the excess fluid. But another answer to prayer- Sam's ventricles are doing just great! At this point in the pregnancy, the docs feel that it might not be necessary to deliver at a hospital with a NICU. That might change as the weeks go by, but what an answer to prayer! The diagnosis is the same: the projected outcome of how he will be affected is on the mild end of the spectrum because of this new evidence of physical health otherwise. We are so thankful.

On another note, reading through various comments posted on Facebook and this blog, listening to the encouragement of family and friends, I can't help but be amazed how God is already using Samuel to glorify His name. This situation has stimulated conversation between atheists, agnostics, fellow Christians and unbelievers. How awesome considering that he hasn't even been born yet!

It also got me thinking about how faith is a choice, not an emotion. If it was an emotion then Tim and I would have failed a long time ago (I'm sure that statement is true for most of us). As much as we appreciate the encouragement from everyone about how they see us staying strong and that our faith is admirable, trust me when I say we have our dark days. There are days, if I'm not careful, that I get consumed by the despair, fear, sadness, etc. But the light of God's Word is always there, a "rope" of light over the pit of that darkness. All I have to do is grab onto it with both hands and hang on for dear life. It's way too easy to drop into the negative feelings of grieving for Sam or feeling sorry for myself or entertaining the questions of "why" or "how" instead of making a choice to trust in what the Lord is doing.

That's why-among many things- I've been learning that faith in God and walking with God are choices. If we followed our hearts we'd be a far cry from the truth and where He wants us to be:

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9 

It's not easy to choose to be positive when your heart feels like it's breaking into a million pieces. It's not natural to "rejoice in suffering." It goes against all we are as humans to "consider it pure joy" when we experience trials. But it's the difference between living by the Holy Spirit and living within the confines of our flesh. It's a battle. And it's one worth fighting for.

Blessings to all of you and we covet your continued prayers! We will keep you updated with Sam's progress after our next appointment.

Love,
Shanna and Tim