Thought of the day

This might be an obvious statement, but whenever God wants to teach me something, I hear the lesson everywhere.

Today in my daily devotions, I was reading in I John-which is one of my FAVORITE books-and what I was reading spoke so directly to the things I've been struggling with I got chills (then I got in the car and heard it on the radio). Not only do I struggle with waiting on the Lord but in how I view him, how I treat others because of how I view myself, etc. I've been trying to overcome negative self-talk and negative, critical thoughts of myself it seems for most of my "adult" life. It's such a deep, every day issue that it's become a norm in my life-it's to the point where it's woven into the fabric of my life so the only chance of removal is ripping and tearing it out...

The thing that struck me in these (and other) passages is how many times John talks about LOVING OTHERS.

"We know we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers" I John 3:14

"And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us." I John 3:23

This concept is also found in Luke 10:27 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind (also in Deut 6:5); and Love your neighbor as yourself (Lev. 19:18)."

Ok, here's my thought: if I'm supposed to love my neighbor as myself but I hate myself or critisize myself or compare myself with others instead of loving myself, I am not fulfilling the second most important commandment in the entire Bible. I think as Christians we want to make sure we remind ourselves that we are not deserving of God's grace (in fact we are not) to the point where we walk around in a slump thinking we're not good enough, not worthy of anyone or anything.

I truly believe that Satan has me in a stronghold and if I'm not careful it can really affect my witness and purpose here on earth. I think loving yourself (not in a weird, new-age, all-about-me way but with an attitude of humility and acceptance of grace) is a key part to..."love your neighbor AS YOURSELF." That's what the verse says. I think it's one thing to point out that we are saved by grace and yet another to try to take Jesus's place on the cross (thus stealing its power), to try to somehow punish ourselves enough so we can feel better about the things we've done.

God has been speaking to me for a long time about this; it's such an emotional issue my eyes can't help but water. It's all about "replacing the tapes" as my counselor mother-in-law would say. Instead of thinking "I am such a failure, I am such a sinner, I am worthless, I am stupid, I am ugly, I am fat, no one likes me, no one values me, I have to be perfect to be loved, I wish I was this, I wish I was that, I'm a horrible person, wife, mother..." whatever it may be, we need to replace that negative self talk with the truth of God's word.

What is his truth?

Well, here are some to replace those lies:

My lie: "I am worthless". God's truth: The very hairs on my head are numbered, His thoughts towards me are as many as all the grains of sand on all the beaches, I am worth much more than sparrows, whom he feeds and clothes, while I was still a sinner, Christ died for ME.

My lie: "I am ugly or fat". God's truth: He created my inmost being and knit me together in my mother's womb, I am his beautiful creation, and that while beauty is nice, it is fleeting...a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31.30 Also, one of my favorites: "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

My lie: "I am not good enough; I'm a failure." God's truth: "And if by grace, then it is no longer by works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace." Romans 11:6 "not by works, so that no one can boast." Eph 2:9 I don't have to be good enough because Jesus was the perfect atonement for all my shortcomings, every sin I have comitted or will commit. He knows that we are sinful and has forgiven us all our sins. All we have to do is confess that we have sinned and accept His gift of grace. No self-inflicted punishment, shame, or guilt should be born out of our mistakes-he bore all of that and "finished it."

Another underlying cause of these thoughts that the Lord revealed to me is FEAR. It seems like a lot of things stem from fear: Anger stems from fear, defensiveness stems from fear, and the obvious-anxiety stems from fear...back to I John 4:18: "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is made perfect in love."

Wow. This verse always hits home with me. When we try to be perfect and beat ourselves up when we're not, I think one of the reasons is because we're afraid we're going to get "in trouble" or punished for making a mistake. It's as if we think God won't love us anymore-this is esp true if we've ever had an experience where we've felt conditionally loved (which is the case in all our human relationships I think) and in turn view God in the same light. The truth is, God loves us. Period.

Finally, this verse sums it up...although I could go on and on about this topic! :)

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This, then is how we know we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything."