Letter from God

My darling daughter,

I know you’re hurting right now but I can’t understand why you aren’t coming to me and talking to me about it. Each day I wait expectantly for your face to lift to me, for your knees to bend, but instead you choose to let the black cloud that surrounds your mind have the last word. I am waiting just outside of it.

It saddens me to know that you don’t have any idea how much I love you. That you taking the time to talk with me brings me the joy only a daughter speaking to her Father can bring. I long to hear what you have to say about things: how your day went, what emotions you’re feeling, your thoughts on life, your joys, your hurts, your prayers, your requests and your praises.

I crave your companionship and long to give you the desires of your heart, yet above all I want you to want only Me. I want to be first in your heart, for you to feel the pull of My love, for you to hear My whispers despite the noise from the ever-failing earth you live in. I am Real. I am Truth. I am Love. And I am all you can or will ever need. I am the only One that can give you true rest and true freedom.

Please give Me a chance to show you. Open your heart to Me; let Me in. I already know every fiber of your being-what makes you laugh and cry, how many hairs you have on your head-and since I am already living inside you, it should be an natural thing to do. I think about you more than you think about yourself…and My thoughts of you number more than the grains of sand on all the seashores of the world. I want to bring you freedom where there is bondage, to be the healing salve on the wounds you’ve endured from this world. I want to lead you towards my will: to shape you, change you, and mold you into the design I had in mind from the beginning, before you were ever a project on my workman’s table. I loved you so much that I died for you. I wanted you to see that I couldn’t bear the thought of being away from you for eternity, and that the only way you could be with Me is for My blood to be shed on a cross, defeating sin and death in one single blow. I bore all the shame, guilt, disease, and darkness of your sin for you.

My grace hangs heavy and full above you, ready to be poured out, waiting on your upturned face and heart. All you have to do is accept it. Let its sweetness drip down into the blackest recesses of your heart, lighting it up with gold, the thick richness of it smothering the weeds of fear, insecurity and lies as it goes. I want it to fill all of you so that you can truly know what it is to take My yolk upon you. All I ask of you is that you walk with Me and let Me lead you. I have such amazing things in store for you. Please trust Me. Please accept all of the gifts I want to give you. Let Me take the fear, anger, rage, bitterness, hurt, betrayal, perfectionism and all that you struggle with off of your shoulders. You were never meant to bear that kind of load, and I’ve already paid the ultimate price for it. You are My daughter and My princess, an heir to My kingdom. And I am your ever-loving, everlasting Father who adores you.

GOD

30 Days of Praise Day 30 James 2:14

What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him?”

James 2:14

We’ve been studying the book of James at church recently and the topic yesterday was faith. It was thought provoking, inspiring and convicting.

As most of my friends know, we’ve been trying to get pregnant going on almost 6 years. The heavy emotions that accompany infertility are impossible to explain, and like other trials, we question God’s intentions for allowing us to go through suffering. If we’re not careful, the roots of bitterness and anger can quickly take hold of our hearts and lives, rendering us useless for the kingdom of God and choking out growth.

Throughout the first chapter, James speaks of suffering and how we should rejoice when we experience trials of many kinds. And then in chapter 2, discusses how crucial it is to have “faith that works.” As I was sitting in church yesterday, that concept was that much more confirmed in my heart.

If I claim to believe God-that He is perfect, without sin, loving, caring, kind, with plans for my life, knows the number of hairs on my head, that his thoughts of me are more than the sands of the seashores-than the “work” of that belief or faith is trust. It’s knowing that although I don’t understand what He’s doing in my life, He has a plan. He has it all worked out. He has never let me down before, He has never intentionally hurt me, He is my Father, Savior, and the Lover of my Soul. And if I believe that is true, then His plan is PERFECT. And I want to rest in that peace. I want to live that peace. I want to close my eyes and lie down in my Savior’s arms and have him carry me in the direction He would have me go. I want my faith to be strong enough to endure the flames of trials without crumbling to ash at the first sign of heat. I want my faith to be not only evident to those around me; I want it to SHINE with the glory of God.

And if nothing else during this trial and this time of waiting, I want to be an example to those around me, a message of hope and the enduring truth that God is in control. Just because our finite minds think or our foolish lips speak otherwise, HE IS GOD. That never changes. He is absolute, indefinite, and eternal and my insignificant little life with all of its baggage and hurts and joys is not too much for him.

Although it might mean that the end result won’t be what I’m expecting, I’m pushing aside the paralyzing fear of being vulnerable (which is ironic since He already so utterly consumes me and knows me better than I know myself), I’m opening up my heart, stripping my soul bare and allowing His will to be done in my life. I am jumping off the cliff, knowing that His arms will catch me.

I’m choosing to live my faith.

30 Days of Praise Day 29 Joyful in Affliction

To say that life is a struggle is an understatement. Everything from small annoyances like imperfections in our bodies or sickness to devastating, life-changing losses can sometimes bury us under layer after layer of pain, sadness and just plain weariness.

I've been thinking lately on how easy it is as we get older to allow bitterness to get the best of us. It's sort of the human condition (one of the flesh of course, and not of the Spirit); we get hurt enough times or things go wrong enough and we pick up our "self-pity" mortar and "stay-away-from-me" bricks and build impenetrable walls around our hearts, locking our true selves away in the highest tower. Nothing gets in, we are protected; but that also means nothing gets out and our lives become stagnant. Somehow we slog through each day, battling the real and sometimes would-be threats that surround us...and it always feels like we're on the defensive.

This is a problem on a number of levels, but the most important question the Christian has to ask is Why? Why am I allowing this world to conquer me? Why am I not bringing this pile of hurts: the betrayal of a friend, the loss of a loved one, a hope deferred, or even just the everyday annoyances that can leave us exhausted- to the foot of the cross? Didn't Jesus tell us to come to Him "all who are weary and burdened?"(Matthew 11:28). Then why don't we do it? In my recent soul-searching, I've decided that I'm going to work on two things to overcome this issue.

1) Infuse every aspect of my life with the power of Jesus Christ: through reading His word every single day (it wasn't meant to be read once a week or every once in a while. Its power is most effective in frequent doses, i.e. our "Daily Bread" in Matthew 6:11), time in prayer and close fellowship with other Christians.

2) Praise Him for everything in my life, including my struggles. When the thought came to me it seemed a little self-masochistic. Why would I be THANKFUL for pain and for the trials I'm going through? The answer can be found in a little book called James: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you experience trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing." (James 1:2-3). And the same message appears again in Philippians 4:4 "Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice!" So not only are we to rejoice in our suffering, but we are to consider it “pure joy.”

Wouldn't our lives emit such a sweeter fragrance to our Savior and to those around us if we were truly "joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer"(Romans 12:12) instead of bitter, angry and grumpy?

I’ve probably mentioned this is another post, but I have a recurring thought (I believe it was from the Lord) about how I represent myself in the midst of trials. What reward can there be when we’re under pressure or suffering from something the Lord has allowed in our lives, and we’re pouting like toddlers? That is, until things go our way, or we get the thing we’re asking for, or we feel the refining kiln fires cooling off and then we’re more than happy to give thanks and be joyfully praising God. Isn’t it about time we grew up a little bit? Do we really want to act like spoiled children?

I for one want to look back at the path that I've carved through the wilderness and know that with every step, God was given not only the glory, but the praise. That the tears that stream down my face are tears of deep thankfulness for all the blessings God has showered me with, even if it’s not exactly what I’m hoping for. That the hands I lift high in praise are to a benevolent, powerful, all-knowing God, even above the heavy aching of my heart. That my eyes aren’t focused on the problems in front of me, but on the ever-loving face of Jesus. And that I was glad when I endured this suffering because I am anchored to the hope promised to me by the Lord Jesus Christ in His Word: the faithfulness of a God that has a plan and a future for me, full of blessing and life and light.

30 Days of Praise Day 28 It is Well with My Soul

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, With my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, With my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, With my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

It is well, With my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

It is well, With my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, With my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Horatio Spafford

30 Days of Praise Day 27 Psalm 103:1-5

Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Psalm 103 is in my top 5 favorite Psalms. It speaks to my life in such a powerful way. I am a living example of God healing my diseases and redeeming my life from the pit.

When I think of this verse, I have such an amazing picture in my mind. Me, struggling in the pit and filth of my own sin: hopeless, lost and dying. When I look around and realize I've been eating with the pigs and squandering my inheritance, all it takes is one simple cry of repentance, and there He is.

Jesus, in all of his glorious majesty, His brilliant glory, reaching down into my smelly, stinking mess of a life and pulling me out.

Not only does He pull me out, but showers me clean with the water of His Word and clothes me with robes of righteousness. To top it all of He gives me a crown to wear-ME: prideful, short-tempered, critical, and sinful. He brings me to his table where I eat of His food, where all my carnal cravings for worldly treats are satisfied with the abundance of His blessing.

So there I am: clean-my sins washed away for all eternity, clothed-my filthy rags disintegrated in the radiance of His glory, replaced with pure robes, crowned-able to show love and compassion to others because I was shown by the ultimate example, satisfied-with real "food", not with imitations or the sugary sweets the world has to offer and finally, renewed-my heart freed from the shackles of sin to soar as high as the eagles.

Truly, my soul does praise you, Lord.